trishia-hysteria

   I've started to work more on my essay yesterday and I'm glad I did. I really hope I can make it. I have loads of stuff in my head that shouldn't be there and they keep me a bit from everything else. But I think I'm just scared, scared that I'm not gonne be able to do it. I'm not doing my best at all because I think I'm gonna fail and this isn't right. I should be able to get over that feeling but when other sad feelings come up, I can't fight it back.
   I just hope this new hope will last just enough to finish my essay and feel a bit stronger, and also a bit more positive about my abilities...

   Today I have class like every tuesday but I don't wanna go. Well at least rigth now I don't want to go but I'm sure as soon as I be there, it'll be alright. I'm kinda fed up with uni now even if I know I still have only 3 full weeks to go. But we (those who do also English and not only FLE) have 12 weeks to go, so I'm just not gonna have class on Wednesday, that's all. This is not much! Grrr I just want to be done with school!!!

   As if I thought I would! When you don't return an exam, you don't get a grade and a 0 in your grades is very bad!
   But I almost passed: my GPA is 9,8! See that was stupid of me not to return the paper, wasn't it? Even if I got a 6 or less or perhaps more, I would have passed! I guess I'm just the stupidest person on earth! (No you cannot agree to that! )

   Anyway, I got an answer from the teacher and I can do it again. I'm relieved but I still feel extremely ashamed of myself.

   I'm scared... Today all the guys from promotion said the results were posted for the first semester and I couldn't go see them and therefore know if I passed. I'm just so scared I didn't pass, it's the first time I just want to be done and don't worry to go to the remedial.. But I know for sure I'm gonna have to do at least one exam again because... I didn't do it! Shame on me, I know! Anyway, one isn't too bad. And the teacher is nice so I suppose I can get a 10 if I'm serious enough. I'll see.

   I just got my mark in Dutch and guess what!?! I'm disappointed even though I got a 17/20!! I made mistakes that I could have avoided easily and that pisses me off. I should have been more careful! ARGH!!!
   Ok. I stop here, I know it's very good but I want to be better. Anyway Dutch is more easy now, I just need to practice more and try more as well because it'll do me good.

   Especially now that I know that 3 major classes turned out to be set up on... Wednesdays!!! I'm so angry at the people who do the timetables and especially at one teacher because she said the timetables were made that way because there were a lot of teachers who took the master and it's not true: there are about... 3!!! She's so not helpful and mean, I already dislike her. And besides one of these classes is with her!! grrr!
   I'll still try to go to those at least 6 times out of the 12 and if I can do more, I will because finally I don't want to fail this year and I also don't want to do it in 2 years time as I already know what I want to do next year. I have to talk this through with the parents of the boys I'm looking after and I hope they will be understanding.