trishia-hysteria

   I was so scared I actually cried! I guess that I'm not the hospital kinda girl! The fact that I had to put on those "robes" and going on a wheelchair and then going to an operating room scared the hell out of me!
   The laser in itself didn't hurt that bad, though it's not pleasant at all, but the doctor was very nice and asked several times if I was ok.
   I felt the tears rolling down my cheek to the netted thing I had to put on my voluminous hair... I tried to stop but I couldn't, even when I tried to think of my sweety love, tears kept coming out.. I wasn't crying out loud but my throat hurt because I was holding them. When it was done, I was just so relieved!

                                         I decided to do sports and lose weight.

   So I'm trying to eat better: vegetables every lunch and light dinner (soup or Chinese pasta). Also with Peter every weekend we will go riding so that I keep on doing something even if we do some sports already
   Since today, I go jogging everyday. I don't go far and it doesn't last long but it's only the beginning, so I hope to do better as soon as I'm used to it.
   I also want to play badminton again, as I no longer do the housework, I have time to go back to it. And when I'm going to my Mom in a few weeks, I'll try to take my bike with me so I can go to work this way or even to the uni for my Dutch classes. And as there is a swimming-pool not far from where I live I should go there as well once or twice a week.
   I know those are a lot of decisions and I really hope I'm gonna be able to follow them seriously. The hard part is to start and I'm a bad beginner, meaning I am very lazy to begin to do something until I finally do it and enjoy myself! 

   I'd like to look like the girl on the pic, but don't worry I'll take the time that I need to lose the 27 kilos I have to lose. And about the piercing, I don't care (someone asked me once), this is just to show you how I'd like to look like when I'm at the right weight. As I have big boobs, I guess it would look like this but I'm not here yet, so we'll see.

   I just don't have the courage and the time and I just don't wanna do it! It's just too hard.

   I don't wanna do it,
   I don't wanna study,
   I don't wanna read it,
   I don't wanna go,

BUT

   I don't wanna give up,
   I wanna make you proud of me,
   I wanna be proud of me,
   I wanna prove that I can do it!

    It went quite well, the doctor made some analysis and now I just have to wait for the results probably for next week. I'll probably have to do some surgery but nothing big.

    I just hope I'm gonna be ok...

   Peter,  for the troubles I put you through today and since we're together when I think about it. I knew that it was a big mistake what I did before I met you but I guess I was just too coward and too stupid to do things differently. I was immature and now here's my lesson. If it involves you or our future, I won't never forgive myself. Gosh I'm so sorry.. I hope you'll forgive me and will be able to trust me again. I know it will be hard, I would think the same, but please, I love you and I don't want to lose you...