trishia-hysteria

   I've started to work more on my essay yesterday and I'm glad I did. I really hope I can make it. I have loads of stuff in my head that shouldn't be there and they keep me a bit from everything else. But I think I'm just scared, scared that I'm not gonne be able to do it. I'm not doing my best at all because I think I'm gonna fail and this isn't right. I should be able to get over that feeling but when other sad feelings come up, I can't fight it back.
   I just hope this new hope will last just enough to finish my essay and feel a bit stronger, and also a bit more positive about my abilities...

   I already lost 3 kilos. It's not much but I'm happy it doesn't go too fast, that way, I'm sure I won't reagain them easily. I'm still doing nothing as for exercices and I'm not very proud of that part. But I bought a book about the Pilates method and I'm gonna try that. It reinforce your inner muscles and I'm sure this is what I need. If I can do that, I'm sure I'll feel better. I hate my body because the muscles are all sluggish and it's disgusting especially when the summer comes and I have to take the long-sleeves top off! Anyway, I'm gonna begin this week and tell you all about it!

   Yesterday I had a rough time, even thinking about it makes me feel sad. But I'm feeling better and hopefully it'll stay this way for like ever..
   But the thing is, I don't want to study anymore, I don't want to do my 'mémoire', the EPP and all that stuff.. I don't feel like it anymore. I know I'm close to the end and if I finish I'll be glad, but the idea seems to even repulse me from doing it. Perhaps I should just start and really concentrate, that way, I'll be able to do something... But the feeling ain't there...